Win child custody

Question by Samantha: What deems a mother as unfit and how can mental illnesses effect children?
My husband and I are in a very sticky situation and for the first time I can’t find the right advice on the internet.
He is very close with his family, but has a 28 year old sister who has a 3 year old daughter and is completely unfit.
She has several mental illnesses- bipoloar, schizophrenia, manic depression, etc.
I know that many people with mental illnesses can live very good lives and be great parents, but this is not the case with her.
She is constantly switching her meds and having episodes. Her parenting strategy is harsh and inconsistent. She swears at her daughter and always says “_____, stop that or I’m going to kick your mother fu****** ***!”. There was an incident where she dislocated the baby’s arm. She is suicidal and always threatening to kill herself. She punishes her daughter for stupid things and lets her get away with things she should be disciplined for. She is an obsessive shopper and therefor spoils the daughter rotten with junk that she doesn’t need or want. The list goes on and on…
She is currently living with my husbands parents. Because they are living with grandparents, she was able to maintain custody of the child. But both parents work around the clock while she sits at home with the baby and collects a government check. What I am saying is that the grandparents are not around as much as they need to be.
I confronted my mother in law about this and explained to her why such an unstable role model could be very detrimental to the toddlers growth, development, and well being, but she is too close to her daughters situation to look in the best interest of the baby. She says that the baby is critical to the mother’s well being and self esteem and fears that if the mother lost custody of the baby she would kill herself. The most recent episode landed the mother and the baby in counseling. Yes- they are making a 2 year old attend counseling with her crazy mother. They are trying to teach her how to identify her mother’s episodes and signal for help. I’m sorry, but this is just not right.
Does anyone have any advice or feedback from similar situations? Trying to take custody would tarnish our relationship with that family and I do not want my husbands sister to kill herself, either. At the same time, how can I sit by and watch this little girl live in turmoil and a potentially dangerous situation?
I would also like to add that my husband and I are listed in his sisters (the mother’s) will as the people who would get custody if something would happen to the mother.
When I say losing custody, I mean that when the baby was born, the state immediately pulled her into court because of her history of mental illness and some illegal activities she was involve with such as stealing a car and doing drugs. The father is not involved, her has about 10 kids by different women and doesn’t pay child support.

Best answer:

Answer by Carrie Henry
Wow. You’re in a real pickle here. There’s no doubt that your sister-in-law is an unfit parent. There is a documented history of physical and emotional abuse, and nobody is stepping in to stop it. Don’t let your mother-in-law guilt trip you with threats of her daughter committing suicide. She doesn’t know what will happen any more than you or I do. Maybe having her daughter taken from her will be the kick in the seat that she needs to get help and stick to a medication regime. I’m bipolar and manic myself, but I stick with my meds and get help when I need it, and everyone says I’m an excellent parent. Your sister-in-law is making poor choices, and is suffering for it. Her daughter doesn’t HAVE a choice. That poor little girl is going to grow up thinking that abuse is the only way there is to live. You can’t let that happen. Call Child & Family Services…you can do it anonymously…and tell them what you’ve told me. They won’t immediately come and snatch up the little girl, but they will do an in-home evaluation to determine the appropriateness of the living situation.

Yes, doing this is going to suck. It’s going to make a lot of people mad at you…but it’s the right thing to do. That little girl doesn’t have a voice…so use yours to give her one.

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